Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
