I am puke
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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