Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
