How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
