i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
