The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends