So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten