no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
