He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.