It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
