remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize