he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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