I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My vagina just clenched in fear
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
