I only kidnapped one of them. chill
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
