I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
