Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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