I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
