Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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