Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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