everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
