thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
handjob tips. give me some.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
