You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize