I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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