you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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