"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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