I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
