Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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