and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
