please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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