Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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