What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
