i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
