i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
