his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
