kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Couch. On fire.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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