I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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