i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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