something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
