i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
