Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
