Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
