you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
