And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize