im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
