I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
