I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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