I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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