Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
