great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
