I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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