paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
