I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
