So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
from now on my penis is your penis
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
