Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
