Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Randomize
