At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
