I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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