New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
