Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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