btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
