The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We are two peas in an std pod
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
