508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
