Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
