I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love having hate sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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