when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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