Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
