She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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