I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
