I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
