Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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