Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
