So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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