i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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