there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
