It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
