when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
