just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
