mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
