Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
