I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
