we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
