I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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