I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
