she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
