I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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