Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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